ST. FRANCIS — The Archdiocese of Milwaukee is reaching out to those ensnared in what the U.S. bishops termed a “structure of sin” – pornography.
An archdiocesan initiative aims to help people free themselves from use and addiction to pornography.
Launched earlier this summer, “Break Free of Pornography Use and Addiction” is an initiative based upon the U.S. bishops’ November 2015 letter, “Create in Me a Clean Heart: A Pastoral Response to Pornography.” “Break Free” is a response to needs seen in the archdiocese, according to Susan McNeil, director of the Nazareth Project for Marriage and Family Formation in the archdiocese’s John Paul II Center for the New Evangelization.
“In the archdiocese, our starting point is really pastoral care. I don’t think it’s the most effective outreach to start with ‘pornography is sinful.’ Most people know that at some level,” she said. “The most effective message we can give people, which is why we were very specific in how we used our language in this initiative, which was, ‘We love you. We care about you. You’ll encounter no judgment here. We’re here to help.’”
McNeil called that wording – and the approach it represents – “significant.”
“When people get to a point where they realize pornography is harming their marriage, harming their relationship, that this is not how God intended them to live – when they reach the point where they are willing to accept some help, we want them to encounter the love and mercy and care of the church, not to hammer them over the head and tell them what bad people they are,” she said.
“Break Free” is intentionally linked to the Year of Mercy.[su_pullquote align=”right”]What is pornography?
The Catechism of the Catholic Church defines pornography this way: Pornography consists in removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense (CCC, 2354). [/su_pullquote]
“We want people to know they can bring to the church the worst parts of themselves, that God’s forgiveness is so abundant there is nothing for which the church says, ‘You cannot approach us for forgiveness’ – even those things people are reluctant to admit,” she said.
Sacrament of reconciliation a place to start
Terming pornography a “major pastoral concern,” Fr. Greg Greiten, pastor of St. Bernadette, Milwaukee, and a therapist certified in sexual addiction recovery from the Institute of Trauma and Addiction Professionals, said the sacrament of reconciliation is a good place for people to begin dealing with their pornography usage.
“People will feel comfortable coming to confession,” he said. “They will talk about it there because of the whole seal of the confessional. It’s not going anywhere.”[su_pullquote align=”right”]Help for the user, addicted
The following are willing to help people concerned about use of pornography or addiction to it:
• Susan McNeil, (414) 758-2214, tinyurl.com/pornhelp
• Fr. Greg Greiten, (414) 358-4600,
tinyurl.com/healingmin
• Tim Shininger, (262) 284-5789,
www.compcounselingservices.com
• Dr. Peter Kleponis, (610) 397-0960,
peterkleponis@peterkleponis.com
The following websites may be of assistance to people using or addicted to pornography:
• www.integrityrestored.com
• www.peterkleponis.com
• www.archkck.org/freedom [/su_pullquote]
Fr. Chuck Schramm, a senior priest in the archdiocese with a master’s degree in social work, said there are limits to what can be done in the sacrament of reconciliation unless the penitent is willing to keeping coming back and to work out a behavioral plan.
“It’s good to be held accountable to somebody through regular meetings,” said the priest. “If that’s in the sacrament of reconciliation, fine. I would automatically want people to meet with me or someone else outside of the sacrament to address the issue.”
Fr. Schramm said priests have to do more than just label porn “sinful.”[su_pullquote align=”right”]See related stories:
Use can ruin marriage
Discuss topic in marriage preparation
7-step plan for recovery[/su_pullquote]
“If you’re going to be compassionate, you’re going to have to understand these people (who are addicted) are not in control of their lives; they’re not making free choices after a while,” he said.
McNeil said what she has heard from priests “anecdotally, and in very broad strokes, the vast majority of confessions usually include a confession of porn use or abuse.”
“Some of it happens there, in the confessional, in terms of highlighting to the penitent this is wrong, this is why this is wrong and asking for a conversion of heart and a turn toward Jesus Christ,” she said. “That’s not easy. Behavior change is tough for anybody on any issue.”
McNeil said the developers of “Breaking Free” were aware some people would be uncomfortable confessing to their parish priest.
“We have the havens of mercy (tinyurl.com/holgt97) we established in the Year of Mercy, which are going to continue,” she said. “So if you would like to go to confession in complete anonymity, we’ll help you find somewhere to go where there’s no possibility someone will recognize you.”
Fr. Greiten recalled a presentation given in 2015 to the priests of the archdiocese about sexual addiction by Fr. Richard Chiola, a priest of the Diocese of Springfield, Illinois, with a private practice in spiritual direction and counseling therapy, in which he focused on the sacrament of reconciliation.
“Part of his understanding is we have to help the priests understand that when you have somebody coming to you and reporting issues like this happening; they confess, they go home and they’re right back into it, that a few prayers – and I’m not making light of the sacrament – giving someone a penance of a few prayers and say this will be better, go on your way, we have to realize they may need a lot more help so the priest may encourage them to talk to someone,” the priest said. “So you know there’s other help. That’s happening today, to help people be more aware (that help is available).”
McNeil said pastors “have responded very positively” to the resources “Breaking Free” has provided, and that she receives five to six calls a week from people seeking help for themselves or trying to salvage their marriages.
“I’m getting calls from people whose pastors are referring them here to get additional help, which is wonderful,” she said.
McNeil explained what those struggling with pornography will hear when they call.
“They will encounter non-judgmental support. They will encounter complete confidentiality,” she said. “I keep a lengthy lists of therapists to which I can refer people, including for people who have no mental health coverage in their insurance. I can help people find a support program of some sort.
Fr. Greiten, who does a presentation titled “Sex and Porn in the Digital Age,” said parishes need to talk about pornography.
“We have to keep breaking through the silence of this, and keep breaking through the shame, so that we can help people, so that people are willing to come forward,” he said.
