When Connection Isn’t Enough

“It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness … it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair … we had everything before us, we had nothing before us.”

Charles Dickens’ opening lines in “A Tale of Two Cities” could just as readily be a description of the lives many lead today. Amid abundance, many lead lonely lives. Connected to thousands via social media, they pass their evenings endlessly flipping through YouTube videos all the while feeling unconnected and alone. And the worst thing is, they don’t know why.

The abundance of such loneliness among so many is what moved Arthur Brooks to write “The Meaning of Your Life,” subtitled “Finding Purpose in an Age of Emptiness.” Brooks is a social scientist and Harvard professor as well as one of the world’s leading authorities on happiness.

Aware of the rapid technological, cultural and economic changes that have rewired our brains, Brooks seeks to offer a way out of the malaise, drawing upon the world’s great philosophers and the world’s faith traditions, at times making reference to his own Catholic tradition. In a sense, he’s not writing anything new. It’s just been forgotten.

We only need to scan the chapter titles of Brooks’ book to realize his conclusions echo the wisdom of Jesus: Give Your Heart Away, Transcend Yourself, Look for Your Calling, Don’t Waste Your Suffering. This week’s letter of St. Paul to the Church in Rome says it more succinctly and in a more familiar fashion, “Owe nothing to anyone, except to love one another.” In other words, if you’re lonely and don’t know why, care for someone else.

We are created to be in relationship with one another. Something is sadly amiss when many live in loneliness, when the young have an abundance of opportunities before them but are starved for meaning and have no idea why, when the biggest dream is to make one’s first million by the age of 30, when retirement’s only goal is to live life in the style to which one has grown accustomed. When these are the role models and ideals proposed for those embarking upon life, yes, something is amiss. Somewhere along the way we have forgotten that we are meant to care, to walk with one another, to live life beyond the boundaries of our own homes, even to sacrifice ourselves for the good of another.

All of which brings us to this week’s Gospel. There are some who will hear this Gospel as encouraging us to go about correcting others of their faults, misdeeds and shortcomings. “Go tell him his fault,” is how the Gospel puts it. And if they do not listen, then take someone else along to serve as a witness to their stubbornness. If still they do not change their ways, then to bring it to the Church, counsels the Gospel.

All of that, however, may seem to miss the point, for the Gospel’s opening line is, “If your brother (fellow believer) sins against you, go tell him his fault between the two of you.” In other words, go, take the initiative and try to be reconciled, even if we are the one who has been harmed. What makes it so difficult is that it all goes contrary to our expectation, for we think that the one who has harmed us should take the initiative to come and apologize. The Gospel is not suggesting that we take the blame for the harm done, but rather that harmony is so essential that we are encouraged to take the first step, to seek the healing lest we live lives of alienation and loneliness. Living in peaceful relationship with one another is that important.

Perhaps that is why Brooks’ work has resonated with so many people. It gives contemporary language to an ancient truth: We do not overcome loneliness electronically but by flesh and blood with the Spirit as our bond. Nor do we discover happiness by turning inward, but by giving ourselves away in love. It is the wisdom of Jesus himself, reminding us that the cure for loneliness is not simply more connection but deeper communion — with God and with one another.