Before Thomas and Cristal James were married Dec. 13 at St. Lucy, Racine, the couple embraced the Eastern Europe tradition of incorporating a crucifix into their preparation and wedding. It now hangs in their home. (Submitted photo)
DOUG ULASZEK
SPECIAL TO THE CATHOLIC HERALD
Christ commands us to pick up our cross daily and follow him. (Luke 9:23) The season of Lent provides a great opportunity for each of us to reflect on how we have carried our cross (or not) and how we might better embrace the crosses God allows us to have. In certain seasons of life, the crosses are obvious: sickness for ourselves or loved ones, anxieties about life and the future, struggles or even persecution at school or work for our faith.
In other seasons, we might feel like we do not have a very large cross to carry. What then? Married couples need to look no further than each other.
Many Catholics refer to marriage as “the sweet cross.” Sweet, because couples know the great joy and bliss that their beloved brings to their life. Cross, because despite the joys, they also know the struggle and hurt that occurs even in the best marriages. Misunderstandings, hurtful words, things done and things left undone — all are part and parcel of regular married life. And let’s not even begin to speak about those habits of our spouses that drive us up the wall!
In all these things, be they large or small transgressions, we face the same choice: to turn inward, away from my spouse, or to forgive. On the other hand, we transgress against our spouse and have the choice to dig in out of pride or admit our fault and ask forgiveness. Both these habits — giving and asking for forgiveness — are essential for a marriage that lasts. Both require sacrificial love, just like Christ embracing his Cross.
There is a wonderful tradition in Eastern Europe that underscores this idea. Engaged couples choose a crucifix together as part of their wedding preparation. During their wedding, they hold this cross during their vows, with the priest’s stole wrapped around their hands and the cross. And instead of kissing each other, they kiss the cross first. They both know that to abandon each other is to abandon the cross, and by extension, Jesus himself. After the wedding, they hang this crucifix in their home as a reminder to never abandon the cross, but instead to embrace it in the person of their spouse.
We share this tradition on our archdiocesan marriage preparation retreats. Recently, one couple, Thomas and Cristal James, decided to incorporate the tradition in their own wedding. They were married Dec. 13 at St. Lucy in Racine. Here is their story, in their own words:
“One of the most powerful traditions we embraced during our wedding was the crucifix. As we exchanged vows, holding the crucifix reminded us that our promise to one another was not just between us, but also to Jesus. We saw it as a commitment to carry our daily crosses together with Christ at the center of our relationship. It was more than just a symbolic gesture; it was a pledge to live out our marriage with faith, joy and strength, no matter what challenges come our way.
“I had first heard about the crucifix tradition in an article before we attended a marriage retreat, and it resonated deeply with me. It felt like a confirmation from God that this was something we should do. We later discovered that Thomas’ godparents had also participated in this tradition and their experience further affirmed our decision. Their stories and advice helped guide us to this meaningful step in our marriage.
“Since our wedding, we keep the crucifix in our bedroom, where we wake up every morning. It’s a powerful daily reminder that we are not alone. Jesus is with us. Whenever we see it, it reminds us that no matter what life throws our way, we will face it together, with Christ by our side. It brings us peace and strength to know that Jesus has brought us to this moment in our marriage, and he will continue to guide us through the journey ahead. This crucifix is a constant reminder of his presence and love in our lives.
“For us, the crucifix is more than just a symbol; it’s a call to discipleship, to carry our crosses together with love and faith, and to remember that marriage is a covenant not just between two people but with God himself. Our wedding day, blessed by the Cross, will always remain a powerful moment of spiritual unity and grace in our hearts.”
Marriage truly becomes Christian when one spouse sees the other for who he or she is — good and bad — and embraces both parts with love. Spouses embrace the cross when they assume the best intentions of each other, when they fold the laundry for the millionth time, when they are patient with that annoying habit and when they offer forgiveness to each other.
If you are married, you do not need to look far for your cross this Lent. He or she is right there beside you. And lest you start to feel superior, don’t forget — you are also your spouse’s cross.
Doug Ulaszek is the Director of Adult Formation and Marriage and Family Life with the Archdiocese of Milwaukee Office of Evangelization and Catechesis.
