Real Life. Real Faith.
“Does it get any easier?”
My husband and I paused at this question asked by a friend with young children.
“… or does it always hurt when your kids hurt?”
I gave him an answer he probably didn’t want to hear, but it was born of my experience.
“No, it still hurts and it’s still hard.”
It’s dismaying sometimes, this vulnerability of parenthood. It feels like when my kids were born, my heart was transplanted from its safe space in my chest to my arm where it gets wounded every time they get wounded.
I remember dropping off my daughter at a sports practice when she was 12. She ran toward the girls entering the building, calling them to wait. One girl turned, looked her up and down, turned around and kept walking. It took every ounce of strength I had not to jump out of the car and throttle that girl. In her disdain, she hurt my daughter and therefore hurt me. There were other times when in the course of life my kids’ feelings were hurt or they were disappointed by someone in their life, and each time, I hurt with them, helpless to fix the pain. My hope, my assumption, was that as they moved into adulthood, that intensity of parallel pain would diminish and perhaps my heart could return to my safe chest.
No such fortune. My kids are college graduates navigating young adult life, and as they encounter sadness and disappointment, crummy roommates, job searches and relationship breakups, I’m surprised to notice that it still hurts like crazy and I still want to throttle people. Inflicting harm is frowned on and does no good to any involved party. I’ve had to figure out how to deal with this strong emotion that comes from the deep love I have for my kids.
As with everything, the solution is prayer. A beautiful facet of our Catholic faith is the intercessors we have available to us. The saints in heaven are an army of people who not only love us and want us to join them with our Heavenly Father but also want to help us get there. “Praying to the saints” is what we often say, but we aren’t praying to them — we only pray to God — we are asking them to pray for us or our loved ones. We ask friends and family to pray for us — right now I have a band of people praying for a job for one of my kids — but I think it’s easy to forget the holy people in heaven with God who can and want to pray for us.
I’ve compiled some of these brothers and sisters in Christ as a reference for the next time you need to resist the urge to throttle someone and instead want to bring your child some relief from the pain that comes from being a human in a broken world.
The patron saint of children is St. Nicholas. Unfortunately, he gets short shrift during our commercialized Christmas season, but who better than one whose whole patronage revolves around kids to ask for prayers.
St. Monica is a great resource for kids who are struggling with faith or difficult situations. I’ve had a devotion to her for several years believing that if she can pray her son St. Augustine back to Jesus, she can help my lovelies also. She is known for perseverance and fervor. Additionally, St. Jude is the patron of children facing challenges.
For children who need academic assistance, St. Thomas Aquinas is your man. Aquinas was known as an especially intelligent man and a brilliant teacher. His “Summa Theologica” is important because it emphasizes the integration of faith and reason.
While we often think of St. Anthony for assistance with lost items, he is also a great intercessor for guidance and protection of children, especially those facing fears and anxieties. Given the increase of anxiety in today’s teens, he is a good saint to befriend.
St. Joseph is the patron of families. St. Lucia, one of the children who met the Blessed Virgin Mary at Fatima, revealed that Satan will attack marriage and family. We are seeing this prediction come to pass. Ask for St. Joseph’s prayers for your family.
St. Michael the Archangel is the patron of spiritual warfare. As one of three named angels, he has a special role in the supernatural war raging around us. Some parishes say the St. Michael prayer after every Mass. If yours doesn’t, it’s a good final prayer to offer before you leave the church.
I’m fond of going to our Mary regularly for my kids. I’m sure she loves them as much, if not more, than I do. She is a loving mother who never disappoints. If you only ask for one person’s intercession, she’s the one.
Being a parent is the hardest, funnest, most frustrating, most rewarding thing I’ve done. It never stops being amazing that I get to be the mom of these awesome kids. Even though my heart is permanently fixed to my sleeve, I know that with the help of the saints, it’s going to be okay. I’m not in this alone. All you holy men and women, pray for us and our children.
