Some of us cry each year when the kids go back to school. Some of us breathe a sigh of relief. And some utter a gasp of exhaustion. No matter what your response, it is happening. Somehow, we went crashing from weeks of relaxed routines, late evenings and slow mornings to the hamster wheel of the school year. A wise friend with children older than mine once told me, “It’s a marathon. Tie your shoes.”
How right she was. The years fly by because the days and weeks are jam packed with kid-related everything — cooking and clothing growing children, running and driving from practice to rehearsal, organizing intricate carpools because, so far, you still haven’t been gifted with the ability to bilocate and somehow doing laundry, cleaning and, yes, sleeping. Raising children is a job that requires more than 24 hours a day.
So, as we enter the fray again, I am offering some thoughts on how to survive and even enjoy the school year.
- Kids don’t have to do everything. It’s OK for your child to do just one sport or activity. You don’t need to be driving all over hither and yon chasing practices and rehearsals. You’re still a good parent if you restrict your kids to one activity per season because number 2.
- Being bored is a good thing. While hearing “I’m bored” gets annoying, it’s also an opportunity for your child to problem solve and be creative. Limit phone and screen time — dramatically if you want to. I was fortunate that while my kids were growing up, we didn’t have smart phones, but we still had televisions. My husband and I made the decision to restrict their TV time to levels other people thought bordered on abusive. Was it more work for me? Yep. But the payoff was that they learned to entertain themselves. They learned what to do when they were bored. And amazingly having never watched Dora the Explorer or SpongeBob, they made it to adulthood unscathed.
- You don’t have to be perfect. Again, so thankful there was no social media when I was raising littles because it would have been easy to get sucked into the lie of a perfect, curated life that I could never emulate. My goal was to keep the kids alive. There was no way I could have a perfectly clean house, with perfectly dressed children and perfectly manicured nails. I heard once that perfection is the lowest standard because it doesn’t exist. The epilogue in one of my high school yearbooks has stuck with me: Don’t worry. Don’t hurry. Do your best and leave the rest.
- Prioritize what is important to you, not the world. The world tells us that our children need to do and experience so many things in order to be well rounded, happy and healthy. They need to go to tutors and enrichment camps so they can go to the best college. But what if what the world says is important, isn’t important to you? What if you decide what is important for your family and stick with that? Trust that you know more than the collective unconscious.
- Get thyself to Mass and/or adoration as often as possible, even if just for a few minutes. If you can get to daily Mass even once a week, it will make a difference. If you have an adoration chapel available, instead of doom scrolling, pop in there when you have 10 or 15 extra minutes between errands and picking up the kids. It will make a difference. Jesus wants us to spend time with him. He is constantly inviting us to be with him. No matter how busy we are, if we take time for him, we will still get everything done and likely we will feel happier while doing it.
- Remember your main goal — get yourself, your spouse and your kids to heaven. Really, nothing else matters. Yes, we want our children to go to a good high school and college, but more importantly, we should want our children and spouse to go to heaven. We are pilgrims here, travelling toward eternity with Jesus. What we do while we are here matters. Ask yourself, is what I am doing helping us get to heaven? If yes, keep at it. If not, give it some consideration.
- Don’t be alone. Build a healthy community where you are fed, seen and heard. Don’t try to keep up with the Joneses. They aren’t having as much fun as you think they are. Find the people who value what you value and dig in. Invest in the relationships. Invite people for dinner in your crazy, messy house. If they judge you harshly, they weren’t meant to be your friend. Send short messages — “thinking of you; hope all is well.” Meet for coffee. It’s a marathon, and it’s good to have running buddies.
- Keep dinner sacred. I firmly believe our commitment to family dinner made a difference. Sometimes, we didn’t eat until 8:30 or even 9 p.m., but we ate dinner together every night. It became my favorite time of day because we all left the table physically and emotionally fed. The world can be tough. Having a meal with people who love you makes it easier.
My kids are in their twenties now. Despite being raised by two imperfect parents, they have become decent, civilized human beings. We didn’t do it all the right way, but we did the best we could, and we relied on the Lord when we realized we were out of our league. Every Sunday, he gave me what I needed to get through the week, knowing I would be back for more. He is so good.
