How the porn epidemic can affect youRead Time 7 min

Pornography defined

He said that the clinical definition of pornography is “any image that leads another person to use another person for their own sexual pleasure. It is devoid of relations, love and intimacy. It can be highly addictive.”

The Catechism of the Catholic Church (2354) defines pornography as: “… removing real or simulated sexual acts from the intimacy of the partners, in order to display them deliberately to third parties. It offends against chastity because it perverts the conjugal act, the intimate giving of spouses to each other. It does grave injury to the dignity of its participants (actors, vendors, the public), since each one becomes an object of base pleasure and illicit profit for others. It immerses all who are involved in the illusion of a fantasy world. It is a grave offense. Civil authorities should prevent the production and distribution of pornographic materials.”

To support his contention that “pornography is the new drug of choice,” Kleponis, who specializes in pornography addiction recovery, offered several observations:

• Every second, $3,000 is spent on pornography and 28,000 Internet users are viewing pornography.

• Every 39 minutes, a pornographic video is produced in the U.S.

• Child pornography is a $3 billion-a-year business.

• “The” is the word most frequently typed into search engines; “sex” is the second most frequently used term.

• Forty million people admit to regularly visiting pornographic sites

“These are underestimates to what is really going on out there. You hear it in confession; we all know that far more Catholics don’t go to confession than do,” Kleponis said. “If you’re hearing it in confession, you can imagine how many more who aren’t going to confession are struggling with pornography.”

From downtown to everywhere

Kleponis provided a brief history of pornography in the United States, noting that men used to “have to search for it in the seedy part of town.”

“Where it really came into our popular culture was in the mid-‘50s and ‘60s with Playboy. Playboy wasn’t about pornography, according to Hugh Hefner; it was a men’s lifestyle magazine. It became acceptable,” Kleponis said, noting that Penthouse, Hustler and similar publications followed.

He said the advent of the VCR in the ‘80s was when “pornography addiction really started to increase.”

“In the back of the video store in our communities was the ‘back room,’ and we know what was back there,” he said about the growing acceptance of pornography.

 
With the arrival of the Internet in the 1990s, Kleponis said, “pornography was in overdrive.”

Noting the different ways in which pornography can be accessed, e.g., publications, Internet, cable TV, videogames, Kleponis identified the cell phone as “the biggest source of porn for teens.”
 
“What parents don’t realize is that their kids have full internet access on the phones,” he said.
 
How pornography damages men

Kleponis cited several ways in which pornography can harm men.

“It turns men in upon themselves, thereby damaging self-giving as spouses and fathers,” he said. “It prevents them from being the leaders and providers and protectors that God has called them to be. We cannot be leaders, providers, protectors when we are enslaved. And pornography enslaves.  How can we be role models to boys if we look at pornography? How can we be good husbands?”

He added that pornography harms a man’s ability to communicate, perpetuates lies and deceit, increases guilt and shame, and “harms his relationship with the Lord.”

Kleponis said it is essential to treat the root causes for addiction to pornography, which he termed “a drug for self-medicating.” Among those root causes he listed selfishness, loneliness, financial pressures, mistrust of others, lack of sexual confidence and a weak spiritual life.
He said that those addicted to pornography “want to find something (they) can control that will meet (their) needs.”

“Pornography is my greatest need and source of comfort,” Kleponis said of the addicted, noting that one could substitute alcohol or drugs for pornography in that statement.

Devastating to wives, destructive of marriages

It is not unusual for Kleponis to hear from wives who have discovered their husbands’ addiction to pornography.

“They feel it is as serious as an extra marital affair. They are devastated by it; they are traumatized by it. Wives call and say my husband is using porn, what do I do? It is not just addiction therapy; it is marriage therapy because this marriage is in severely wounded, damaged,” he said. “They feel hurt and betrayed. They feel unattractive and sexually undesirable.”
 
Kleponis said that the wives lose respect for their husbands, see them as untrustworthy and as poor role models for their children. They also experience “severe trauma, extreme depression, anxiety, insomnia and uncontrolled crying.”

“If you think of a marriage as a big bucket of water and a husband’s pornography abuse is one drop of black ink,” he said. “It’s not much when you consider this big bucket of water, but it clouds everything. That’s the way women view it.”
 
Warning signs

Kleponis cited five warning signs that indicate an addiction to pornography.

“Number one is neglecting the romantic aspect of marriage and neglecting marital friendship and loss of interest in a deeper relationship,” he said.

Knowing something is wrong, minimizing the seriousness of their pornography use and difficulty with sexual performance are warning signs, as are a husband who isolates himself from his wife with the computer.
 
“Going to bed several hours after – this is a key factor – his wife goes to bed early, saying, ‘I have to work on this report,’” Kleponis said, noting that then the husbands stays up to watch pornography.

Problem vs. addiction

He noted that not everyone who views pornography is addicted to it, but the viewer might have a problem with it. He termed it a problem if the person was viewing the same pornography at least once a month.

“It is often not premeditated,” Kleponis said, noting that someone might come upon it accidently and view it. “There is little or no craving for pornography, and little or no increase in its use.”

Indications that a man has an addiction to pornography are if he views it daily or binges on it. Kleponis likened the binging to an alcoholic who can go without a drink for days or weeks, and then consume a lot of alcohol at one time.

“If they are craving pornography – needing it to deal with stress, anger and anxiety,” he said.
 
Kleponis said that addicts can’t get through the workday without it, often risking their jobs by viewing pornography at work.

“If they don’t look at pornography, they have withdrawal (if they are unable to view it), they become angry, irritable, depressed, anxious, depressed, despondent, and have an inability to concentrate,” he said of the pornography addict.
 
Other warning signs include a change in what is consumed – from soft core to hard core (“The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue is not enough for him”); a tendency to act out what he has viewed, and difficulty finding anyone sexually attractive other than in pornography.

Kleponis explained that men are visually stimulated due to a mixture of dopamine and testosterone that he said created “a strong cocktail euphoria.” But the brain craves more, he said, giving an equation of “excitement plus arousal plus orgasm equals desire for more.”

“This is where an addiction can develop. As with any kind of drug addiction, this is where tolerance develops,” he said. “More of the substance is needed to achieve the same effect. The man starts spending more time on-line, more time with pornography.”

Road to recovery

Kleponis offered a seven-point plan for recovery.

“Virtue ties into every single point … You need virtue to overcome addiction. What virtue? The virtue of humility and courage. Faith, hope and love are needed,” he said. “Those who live virtuous lives have fewer emotional problems, have fewer addictions are happier in their relationships.”

Kleponis said self-knowledge is important.

“Admitting you have a problem. No denial,” he said. “Know triggers (of pornography use), e.g., tough day at work.”

He added that the addict must be “willing to do whatever it takes to recover” and “accept that recovery is a life-long process.”

Kleponis said recovery includes “purifying the home” – removing all pornography and suggestive materials, monitoring all social media, e-mails, Twitter and Facebook, and placing computers in public places.
 
He said addicts need support groups that will hold them accountable.
 
“This is one of the things you have to tell these guys: If you are serious about overcoming this addiction, you cannot do it alone,” he said, noting that when a person is in a group such as a Sex Addicts Anonymous, he is “taking stuff from the dark and bringing it to light.”

Kleponis said counseling, which he termed a “white knuckle project,” is essential.

“You have to get down to the root causes,” he said, adding that there might be a need for marital counseling in addition to the addiction counseling.
 
“It is a lot easier for women to forgive their husbands than it is for them to develop trust in their husbands,” he said. “Trust is the main issue.”

Kleponis insists that those in recovery have a spiritual plan as part of the seven points.

“They need God, need grace. These are essential for recovery,” he said. “They need a strong friendship with Lord, a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.”

He recommended reception of the sacraments for grace, healing and strength, as well as daily prayer, weekly Mass and monthly spiritual direction.

Kleponis cited the importance of education.

“It is very difficult to fall into use of pornography if you know the truth about it,” he said.

‘Be prophetic’

In a short presentation preceding Kleponis’, Archbishop Jerome E. Listecki spoke about why the church is concerned about pornography.

“We’re looking at something that debases the person. It is something that takes away who we are, the good that was created,” he said.

The archbishop encouraged the clergy and seminarians to be “prophetic.”

“Be a prophetic voice for our society, calling to mind the beauty of sexuality while at the same time challenging those things that debase it,” he said.
 
Kleponis echoed the archbishop’s words.

“Be committed to church’s teaching on human sexuality. Don’t be afraid to teach and preach about it,” he said, adding, “Communicate the beauty and sacredness of sexuality in the sacrament of marriage.”