How Marriage Mirrors Respect Life ValuesRead Time 11 min

Some years ago, a woman approached me and made a request for a 70th wedding anniversary blessing for her parents to take place during a regular Sunday Mass. The woman also made a second request. She said, “When you give the blessing, please remember to speak very, very loudly. You actually need to shout, because my parents’ hearing is so deteriorated that they are nearly deaf.”

“That’s too bad,” I responded, “I’m sorry about that.”

Yet, the woman responded, “Oh, no need to feel sorry. It’s actually not such a bad thing. You see, because of their hearing problems, Mom and Dad almost never argue anymore.”

The couple in question was a truly beautiful couple — completely devoted to each other. The husband was a retired doctor, and he was greatly revered in the community. He had delivered many, many children in the town, and he even would go out of his way to make special house calls to care for them.

But, when people in the town praised him for being so thoughtful, the doctor always downplayed his kindness by saying, “It’s really nothing, you know. I feel so blessed. God has given me such a precious wife and wonderful children and grandchildren that I want to share that love and bless other lives.”

I tell this story because it is about marriage, which fits well with the annual commemoration of Respect Life Month that is celebrated in October.

Helen Alvare, the former secretariat for pro-life activities of the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, once called marriage the “sanctuary of life.” By that, she was trying to convey the conviction that a faith-filled and holy marriage is the premiere setting for teaching and nurturing respect for the gift of life.

And that is because the key values of marriage also are a vital component of the cause of defending and promoting life in all its stages. A successful marriage is grounded in such things as generosity, unselfishness, permanency of commitment and unconditional love. Those are precisely the qualities needed to promote the “culture of life” that was envisioned by St. John Paul II. It is precisely such values that are needed to confront and challenge the contemporary “me-first” mentality that treats life like a commodity that can be manipulated and even disposed of based on personal “wants.”

One of the Scripture readings that tells of the story of the creation of man and woman, Genesis 2:18-24, highlights very vividly the values of generosity, commitment and love. Yet, that reading also highlights another pro-life value that springs forth from the sanctuary of marriage — the element of mutual respect.

In the past, some have read this text from the Book of Genesis in a completely opposite manner. They point to the portion of the story dealing with the creation of the woman from the rib of the man, and they try to use this reference as evidence that women are inferior to men due to the mention that the woman comes “from” man.

Biblical scholars tell us that this interpretation is not accurate at all. Rather, the creation of the woman from the rib is meant to convey that she is composed of the same “stuff” as the man. This is confirmed by the reference in the text where it is stated that the man and woman are “suitable partners.” This is an affirmation of mutuality and respect in marriage.

I once heard a marriage counselor offer a compelling point about the whole concept of mutuality in marriage. The counselor was speaking about those who want to claim some element of dominance in marriage — to maintain that somehow the man is the head of the household.

Yet, the counselor stated that such a concept is “out of line” in relation to the Christian vision of marriage. He astutely pointed out that the One who is the true head of the household is Jesus Christ and that the role of the husband and wife are to serve him by serving each other.

Another Scripture reading, found in the Gospel passage Mark 10:2-16, also can be read in the context of this dual message regarding marriage and respect for life. It is a text that makes a strong statement about the pro-life value demonstrating concern for the vulnerable in the teaching of Jesus about the prohibition of divorce.

Biblical scholars tell us that Jesus had two reasons for emphasizing the permanence of marriage and promoting the absence of divorce. For one, as the text mentions, Jesus states that permanence in marriage was God’s intention in creation. It was this way “from the beginning.” And second, biblical scholars suggest that Jesus also was taking this strong stand as a means of demonstrating his care for women. Christ was very sensitive and attentive to the status of vulnerability that was faced by women in the society of the ancient Near East. In that era, women literally had no rights separate from their husband, and, in almost all cases, they had no independent source of income. Thus, to promote the ease of divorce was to place women at a great risk. Jesus strengthens the bond of marriage to safeguard a woman’s status and protect her well-being.

Jesus highlights this concern for the defenseless at the conclusion of this Gospel passage in an episode that features small children. In this story, people were bringing children to Jesus so that he could bless them, but the disciples rebuked them and ordered the children to be dismissed. However, Jesus scolds his disciples and says, “Let the children come to me; do not prevent them, for the Kingdom of God belongs to such as these.”

Scripture scholars tell us that children were the most at-risk members of society in the biblical world. The infant mortality rate at that time was as high as 30 percent. It also is thought that as many as 60 percent of children of that era never reached the age of 16. Children were loved, but they were clearly given a lesser status than today. Yet, as noted in the aforementioned Gospel, Jesus goes out of his way to encourage their presence. He pays special attention to them and extends to them his grace and love. Along with the previous effort to protect the status of women, this is yet another instance of Jesus reaching out to care for the poor and the fragile.

This special care of Jesus for the defenseless is the foundation for our Catholic pro-life outreach to such vulnerable members of society as persons with special needs, those near the end of life, pre-born children, refugees, immigrants and the incarcerated. In the spirit of Jesus, we are to continue to protect the vulnerable members of society.

A final statement in relation to the Church’s teaching for the respect for life can be found in a Scripture passage from the letter to the Hebrews, 2:9-11. The text speaks of the Incarnation of Jesus and lets us know the importance of his becoming human. “Brothers and sisters: he ‘for a little while’ was made ‘lower than the angels,’ that by the grace of God he might taste death for everyone.”

Kindly take a moment to ponder the profound nature of that statement. It is the awesome revelation that God thought so much and placed so much value on human life that the Son was willing not only to let go of his grandeur and glory as the deity but also to undergo a hideous death in order to release us from the sin that taints our human nature.

Nothing could say “more” than that statement — that God values human life so much that he was willing to accept it, embrace it and die for it. If God has that much respect for life, then, surely, we must do all that we can to protect and defend its sacredness and dignity in the world today!