I have always liked this poem by Mary Rita Schilke Korzan because it showed how subliminal our actions can be. I’m including it for those who have not read it, or haven’t read it in a while.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, you hung my first painting on the refrigerator, and I wanted to paint another.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, you fed a stray cat, and I thought it was good to be kind to animals.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, you baked a birthday cake just for me, and I knew that little things were special things.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, you said a prayer and

I believed there was a God that I could always talk to.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, you kissed me good-night and I felt loved.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw tears come from your eyes and I learned that sometimes things hurt, but that it’s all right to cry.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, you smiled and it made me want to look that pretty too.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, you cared, and I wanted to be everything I could be.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I looked … and wanted to say thanks for all those things you did

When you thought I wasn’t looking.

The last time I read that poem, I had additional thoughts – I have added my addendum to the poem:

When you thought I wasn’t listening, I heard you gossip on the driveway about another neighbor, and I learned that judgments are made.

When you thought I wasn’t listening, I heard you tell a friend’s mother that you don’t like a teacher/coach/instructor and think they are not qualified; I learned that my attitude about those I look up to is invalid.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you take a drink in the middle of the day, and I learned that there are quick fixes.

When you thought I wasn’t listening, I overheard you tell the coach why I deserve to be on the best sport team, even though I wasn’t that good, and I learned that image is everything to the world and ability is not.

When you thought I wasn’t watching, I saw you texting while driving, and I learned that laws only apply to others.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I noticed that you didn’t tip the waitress because our food was late due to low staff, and it taught me to blame the closest person………

In addition, when you thought I wasn’t listening, I heard you tell “Nicole” how bad her service was and you will never bring your family here again. As I noticed Nicole’s eyes well up, I learned that degradation is humiliating.

To add to that, when you thought I wasn’t listening, I heard you say out loud, to no one in particular, “This is why you go to college,” and I learned what biased is.

When you thought I didn’t see you park in the handicapped parking space at Costco “for a minute, it’s OK, everyone else does it,” not only did I learn disrespect for disabilities, I also learned that if everyone else does it, then it’s OK.

When you thought I wasn’t looking, I saw you fill the water cup with soda at McDonald’s and I learned that it’s OK, as long as you don’t get caught.

When you thought I didn’t notice, I learned that if there is any excuse for the behaviors mentioned above, then it justifies the action.

When you thought I wasn’t listening, looking or noticing, I was.

And when I follow in your path because I was listening and looking, I will become confused because I learned these actions from the very people I look up to.

The phrase (and poem by Dorothy Law Nolte ), “Children Learn What They Live,” has never been more accurate. They will learn the beautiful things in life by example, but they will also learn the ugly things, too.

Those eyes and ears are always on high alert — not just when we think it’s a teaching moment.

Jesus led by example and his message is amazing. Maybe we as parents should listen and learn from him.

(Michele, a mother of three, teaches fourth grade at Waukesha Catholic School, Waukesha.)